What to Say to Your Son After Divorce: Scripts and Conversation Starters

The Power of Words

After divorce, every conversation with your son can feel loaded. You second-guess everything you say, worry about making things worse, and sometimes end up saying nothing at all.

Let's take some of that pressure off with concrete guidance on communication.

What to Say (And What Not To)

Opening Lines That Work

Instead of "We need to talk" (which triggers defensiveness), try:

• "I've been thinking about you"
• "I noticed [something positive about him] and wanted to tell you"
• "No pressure to talk, but I'm here if you ever want to"
• "I miss [specific activity you used to do together]"

Validating His Feelings

When he does share (even negatively), validate first:

• "That makes sense that you'd feel that way"
• "I hear you"
• "Thank you for telling me that"
• "I can see this has been really hard for you"

Owning Your Part

If you need to acknowledge mistakes:

• "I know I haven't handled everything perfectly"
• "I'm sorry that [specific thing] hurt you"
• "I'm working on doing better"

Keep it simple and specific. Avoid long apologies that become about your guilt.

Expressing Love Without Pressure

• "I love you, no matter what"
• "My door is always open"
• "Nothing you could do would make me stop loving you"
• "I'm proud of who you are"

What NOT to Say

Avoid these common mistakes:

Don't interrogate about his father:

• ❌ "What did you do at Dad's?"
• ❌ "Did Dad say anything about me?"
• ✅ "I hope you had a good time"

Don't burden him with adult concerns:

• ❌ "Money's been really tight since the divorce"
• ❌ "I've been so lonely"
• ✅ Keep adult problems in adult conversations

Don't compare yourself to his father:

• ❌ "At least I'm always here for you"
• ❌ "Your dad never did X for you"
• ✅ Focus on your relationship, not comparisons

Don't dismiss his feelings:

• ❌ "You shouldn't feel that way"
• ❌ "You'll understand when you're older"
• ✅ Validate even when you disagree

Scripts for Difficult Moments

When He Says "I Want to Live With Dad"

This cuts deep, but respond calmly:

"I hear that this is how you're feeling right now. I love you and want you to be happy. Can we talk about what's making you feel this way?"

When He Blames You for the Divorce

"I understand you're angry, and that's okay. The divorce was an adult decision, and I'm sorry for the pain it's caused you. I love you and I'm not going anywhere."

When He Shuts Down

"I can see you don't want to talk right now, and that's okay. I'm here when you're ready. I love you."

Then give him space without withdrawing your warmth.

Before a Difficult Transition

"I know going back and forth can be hard. I'll be thinking about you, and I'm always just a text away if you need me."

The Most Important Thing

Beyond any specific words, what matters most is that your son feels:

• Your love is unconditional
• He won't be put in the middle
• He's allowed to have his own feelings
• You're stable and consistent

The Daily Breakthrough e-book includes a complete chapter on communication, with scripts for dozens of common situations.